Health, Freedom & Science Quotes & Jokes

"If you think you're too small to make a difference,
you've obviously never been in bed with a mosquito."
- Michelle Walker, artist -

"Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does."
- William James, American philosopher, psychologist, and author -

"The first wealth is health."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson, American author, poet, and philosopher -

So many people spend their health gaining wealth,
and then have to spend their wealth to regain their health.
- Unknown -

"In health there is freedom. Health is the first of all liberties.”
- Henri Frederick Amiel, Swiss writer -

"Leave all the afternoon for exercise and recreation,
which are as necessary as reading.  I will rather say more necessary because health is worth more than learning.”
- Thomas Jefferson, American, 3rd. US president -

"Study sickness while you are well.'"
- Thomas Fuller, English clergyman and historian -

"Health is not valued till sickness comes.”
- Thomas Fuller, English clergyman and writer -

"The wish for healing has always been half of health."
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca, Roman philosopher -

"The germ is nothing; the terrain is everything."
 - Louis Pasteur, French chemist -

A good laugh and a long sleep
are the best cures in the doctor's book.
- Irish Proverb -

"The natural force within each of us is that greatest healer of all."
- Hippocrates, Greek physician -

"Health is the soul that animates all the enjoyments of life,
which fade and are tasteless
- Old Chinese Proverb -

If you always do what you've always done,
then you'll always get what you've always got.
- Anonymous -

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting a different result."
- Albert Einstein, German-Swiss-American physicist  -

You cannot go back and make a new start,
but you can start now and make a new ending.
- Anonymous -

Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand. (Putt's Law)

"Life is like riding a bike. It is impossible to maintain your balance while standing still."
- Linda Brakeall, American author -

"Life is a daring adventure, or nothing."
- Helen Keller, deaf and blind inspirational writer and lecturer -

"If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way."
- Napoleon Hill, American author -

"Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing."
- Denis Waitley, American author, speaker, poet and lyricist -

"I have not failed.
I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
- Thomas Alva Edison, American scientist, inventor, and businessman -

"Either you are climbing, or you are sliding."
- Anthony Robbins, American coach -

Like in Nature, you are either growing, or dying.
- Unknown -

"Become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities
- always see them, for they're always there."
- Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, American christian preacher, author, founder of the Positive Thinking Foundation -

"Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself."
- Marcus Tullius Cicero, Roman poet, orator,
philosopher, rhetorician, and humorist -

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it."
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."
- W.H. Murray, The Scottish Himalayan Expedition -

"Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."
- Albert Einstein, German-Swiss-American physicist -

"Wherever there is danger, there lurks opportunity; whenever there is opportunity, there lurks danger. The two are inseparable. They go together."
- Earl Nightingale, American philosopher, author, radio and TV host -

"The only perfect science is hind-sight.
- Unknown -

"Thinking will not overcome fear but action will."
- W. Clement Stone, American businessman, author, and philanthropist -

"Without health life is not life;
it is only a state of langour and suffering - an image of death."
- Gautama Buddha, Indian spiritual teacher, founder of Buddhism -

If we don't change our course we will end where we are heading.
- Chinese saying -

"All complete healing is activated through love and gratitude."
- Dr. John F. Demartini, speaker, author, business consultant -

"Body awareness not only anchors you in the present moment, it is a doorway out of the prison that is the ego.
It also strengthens the immune system and the body's ability to heal itself."
- Eckhart Tolle -

"He who is plenteously provided for from within,
needs but little from without."
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, German poet, scientist, theorist, novelist, dramatist, painter, and chief minister of state (duchy of Weimar) -

"Every human being is the author of his own health or disease."
- Gautama Buddha, Indian spiritual teacher, founder of Buddhism -

"What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson, American author, poet, and philosopher -

"It's supposed to be a secret, but I'll tell you anyway.
We doctors do nothing.
We only help and encourage the doctor within."
- Albert Schweitzer, German Nobel Peace Prize awarded theologian, M.D., professor, philosopher, surgeon, musician, and writer - 

"It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing."
- Norman Cousins, American writer and aditor -

"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory."
- Albert Schweitzer, Alsatian theologian, musician, philosopher, and physician -

"The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient
while nature cures the disease."
- François Marie Arouet de Voltaire, French philosopher and author -

"The physician should not treat the disease
but the patient who is suffering from it."
- Rabbi Moses ben Maimon (Rambam) Maimonides,
Jewish philospher and physician -

"The doctor of the future will no longer treat the human frame with drugs, but rather will cure and prevent disease with nutrition."
- Thomas Alva Edison, American businessman, scientist, and inventor -

Science may be described as the art of systematic over-simplification.
- Sir Karl Raymund Popper -

The core of freedom is to question authorities.
- Anonymous -

"Everything that is really great and inspiring
is created by the individual who can labour in freedom."
- Albert Einstein, German-Swiss-American physicist -

"The more artificial taboos and restrictions there are in the world, the more the people are impoverished."
- Lao-tzu, Chinese philosopher, founder of Taoism -

"Liberty is to the collective body,
what health is to every individual body.
Without health no pleasure can be tasted by man;
without liberty, no happiness can be enjoyed by society.”
- Thomas Jefferson, American, 3rd. US president -

"Every great advance in natural knowledge
has involved the absolute rejection of authority."
- Aldous Huxley, English writer and critic -

"When we give government the power to make medical decisions for us, we, in essence, accept that the state owns our bodies."
- Ron Paul, MD, U.S. (Libertarian) Representative -

"Insisting on perfect safety is for people
who don't have the balls to live in the real world."
- Mary Shafer, American aerospace Engineer. Associate Fellow, AIAA, NASA Dryden Flight Research Center -

"Ultimate safety means living in a prison."
- Salman Rushdie, British-Indian essayist and author of fiction -

"An expert is someone who knows some of the worst mistakes that can be made in his subject, and how to avoid them."
- Werner Karl Heisenberg, German physicist -

"The individual is handicapped by coming face to face with a conspiracy so monstrous he cannot believe it exists."
- J. Edgar Hoover, first Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) of USA -

"If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom: and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money that it values more, it will lose that, too."
- William Somerset Maugham, English short story writer, novelist -

"An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less."
- Nicholas Murray Butler, American educator -

"If you say, "Would there were no wine" because of the drunkards, then you must say, going on by degrees, "Would there were no steel," because of the murderers, "Would there were no night," because of the thieves, "Would there were no light," because of the informers, and "Would there were no women," because of adultery."
- St. John Chrysostom, (Homilies), Bishop of Constantinople and 'Doctor of the Church' -

"Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done and why. Then do it."
- Robert Heinlein, American writer - 

"If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. This especially includes your health care."
- Andrew Saul, American professor and author -


"Do not let either the medical authorities or the politicians mislead you." ..."Find out what the facts are, and make your own decisions about how to live a happy life and how to work for a better world."
 - Linus Pauling, American Nobel Prize awarded chemist/scientist -

"It is not the function of our Government to keep the citizen from falling into error; it is the function of the citizen to keep the Government from falling into error."
- Robert H. Jackson, Chief Judge, War-Crimes Tribunal, Nuremberg -

If more people are going to "quacks" (alternative practitioners), even when they have to pay out of pocket, than are going to allopathic physicians, more often covered by HMOs or insurance, as seems to be the case starting this decade, why is it that there are several orders of magnitude more fatalities associated with allopaths than with quacks?
- James A. Duke PhD, American Ethnobotanist, USA Agricultural Research Sevice -

"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."
- Jerry Seinfeld, American comedian -

"The problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or cynics whose horizons are limited by obvious realities. We need men and women who can dream of things that never were..."
- John F. Kennedy, 35. American President -

"The time is always right to do what is right. Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., American reverend and civil rights activist -

"Don't spend your precious time asking 'Why isn't the world a better place?' It will only be time wasted. The question to ask is 'How can I make it better?' To that there is an answer."
- Leo Buscaglia, American professor, writer, and teacher 

"There is no such thing as freedom of choice unless there is freedom to refuse."
- David Hume, Scottish historian and philosopher -

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice, but in practice there is.
- Author unknown -

"The nature of the universe is such that ends can never justify the means. On the contrary, the means always determine the end."
- Aldous Huxley, English writer and critic -

"There is a wisdom in this beyond the rules of physic:
a man's own observation what he finds good of and
what he finds hurt of is the best physic to preserve health."
- Sir Francis Bacon, British philosopher, statesman, essayist renaissance author, 'father of Modern Science/deductive reasoning' -

"The principle of science, the definition, almost, is the following: The test of all knowledge is experiment.
Experiment is the sole judge of scientific "truth."
- Richard P. Feynman, American Nobel prize winning physicist, teacher, and musician -

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift."
- Albert Einstein, German-Swiss-American physicist 

"Formerly, when religion was strong and science weak, men mistook magic for medicine; now, when science is strong and religion weak, men mistake medicine for magic."
- Thomas Szasz, Hungarian born American professor
Emeritus in psychiatry -

"Freedom is important in order that all the different individuals can make full use of the particular circumstances of which only they know. We therefore never know what beneficial actions we prevent if we restrict their freedom to serve their fellows in whatever manner they wish. All acts of interference, however, amount to such restrictions."
- Friedrich A. Hayek, Austrian Nobel Prize Laureate Economics

"When the government fears the people, you have liberty;
when the people fear the government, you have tyranny."
- Thomas Jefferson, 3rd president of the USA -

When asked what he thought of Western civilization,
Mahatma Gandhi said: 'I think it would be a good idea.'
- Mahatma Gandhi, Indian politician and spritual leader -

"In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act!"
- Eric Arthur Blair aka George Orwell (1903-1950), English author and journalist -

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world. Indeed it's the only thing that ever has."
- Margaret Mead, American anthropologist -

"Life's most persistent and urgent question is: What are you doing for others?"
- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., American reverend and civil rights activist -

If something's broke, fix it. If you don't know how, learn.
If you're not willing to learn, don't complain about it.
If it can't be fixed, then accept it, and move on.
- Unknown -

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
- Albert Einstein, German-Swiss-American physicist -

"All things are possible until they are proved impossible
- and even the impossible may only be so, as of now."
- Pearl S. Buck, American-Chinese novelist -

"Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared."
- Gautama Buddha, Indian spiritual teacher, founder of Buddhism -

"First they ignore you...
Then they laugh at you...
Then they fight you...
Then you win."
- Mahatma Gandhi, Indian politician & spiritual leader -

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality,
they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein, German-Swiss-American physicist -

Follow your bliss. Find where it is, and don't be afraid to follow it.
- Joseph Campbell, American professor, writer, and orator

Initiative is doing the right thing without being told.
- Victor Hugo, French poet, novelist, playwright, essayist, artist, statesman, and human rights campaigner -

All our progress is an unfolding, like a vegetable bud. You have first an instinct, then an opinion, then a knowledge as the plant has root, bud, and fruit. Trust the instinct to the end, though you can render no reason.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist, poet, leader of Transcendentalist movement -

Few men are willing to brave the disapproval of their fellows, the censure of their colleagues, the wrath of their society. Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality for those who seek to change a world which yields most painfully to change.
- Robert F. Kennedy 1966 Speech, US Democratic Politician -

There is nothing like a dream to create the future.
- Victor Hugo, French poet, novelist, playwright, essayist, artist, statesman, and human rights campaigner -

Whatever mind can conceive, it can achieve.
- Clement Stone, author, philanthropist, and businessman -

All the forces in the world are not so powerful as an idea whose time has come.
- Victor Hugo, French poet, novelist, playwright, essayist, artist, statesman, and human rights campaigner -

The Mind is everything. What we think, we become.
- Gautama Buddha, Indian spiritual teacher, founder of Buddhism

At least two thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity, idealism, dogmatism, and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political idols.
- Aldous Huxley -

Cheer up! The pleasures of being miserable are overrated!
- Modern American proverb -

You must be the change you wish to see in the World.
- Mahatma Gandhi, Indian politician and spiritual leader -

Sources

Medicine quotes

http://www.great-quotes.com

More quotes?
http://www.quotationspage.com

Jokes

Q: What do you call the elephant witch doctor? ... A: Mumbo Jumbo
 

CounterThink Health Cartoons by Mike Adams, NewsTarget (USA):

Use Your Head For A Change

Panexa: Ask Your Doctor for a Reason to Take it! (Link/Movie)

Panexa: Ask Your Doctor for a Reason to Take It! (Link/Web)

The Town of Allopath (Link/Web movie) (Term invented by the founder of homeopathy, Samuel Hahnemann).

Statistics
97.25% of all statistics are wrong.

Take good care of our Earth! It's the only planet with chocolate!

Do not fear menopause! It's only the eggs that have exceeded the expiry date - the hen is still okay!

Short History of Medicine:

"I have an ear ache."
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
2005 After new supplement legislation - That root is banned. Take this combination of antibiotics and pills!

News from the Healers*
After the new European Union directives concerning dietary supplements; vitamins and minerals, herbs and homeopathy have been implemented, the turn has now come to an ISO certification of the healers and their "products" - namely the Holy Spirit and various vertically* received healing energies:
§ 1: Only pure energies may be used. The least dirt must be attended to by a qualified spirit washer approved by the Commission.
§ 2: For the following services, the EU now charges:
Aura cleansing - generally:  50 Euro
Aura cleansing - small spots:  5 Euro
Chakra repair:  25 Euro
Posessions:  150 Euro
Out-of-body experience (OBE) (to be paid in advance): 50 Euro
Cosmic orgasm:  200 Euro
§ 3: Long distance healings to be paid 1 Euro per kilometer
(+ 10% in warzones - to be paid in advance).
* Horisontally received healing energies are covered by The Horisontal Directive 123/EU.

If shit happens ...
The tax office (IRS): We should tax it.
Social democrats: If it happens to someone, it should happen equally to all.
Capitalists: How can we profit from shit happening?
Nutritional therapists: What did you eat and how did your shit look when it happened?
Herbalists: There must be a lot of parasites in that shit.
Environmentalists: How do we recycle that shit and provide energy for the planet?
Feminists: Shit should happen to as many women as it does to men.
Artists: We should appreciate its beauty.
Mafia boss: If shit happens to me, my boys will get you

 
Mental Hospital Answering Machine

“Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

- If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

- If you are co dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

- If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

- If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

- If you suffer from ADHD, please try to come down from the walls and press 5 without smashing the phone.

- If you suffer from Tourette please use your head and press any button you can hit.

- If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

- If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

- If you have a schizoid personality disorder, hang up and we will go away.

- If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, don't expect anyone to answer you. Oh yes, NOW we will answer you. Sorry, NOW we will not answer you!

- If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

- If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

- If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

- If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

- If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

- If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
- If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
- If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
- If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

- If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.”

If one doctor doctors another doctor, does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?